So many cliches…
One of my friends recently suggested I try out some anime. The conversation went like this:
Stupid Friend: Yo Party Bus! You should watch some anime while you’re on vacation. Do you like a good story and great characters?
Stupid Friend: Ah! Then you’ll love… She went on to list a bunch of garbage from there.
So I watched the anime shows she suggested. I watched a lot of them actually. The more I watched, the angrier I grew. It felt like the same garbage over and over again. The only thing that changes seemed to be the hair colors. So I rounded up all of the same and tired shit I could find in each one, and rounded them up into a single shitty list.
1. The Lifelong Prophecy
Every anime starts by having the main protagonist declare he is going to be the best (select one of the below):
- Pokemon Trainer / Non-Pokemon Trainer.
- Registered Sex Offender.
I can keep going, but you get the point. Can’t an anime ever have a story where someone isn’t trying to be part of an epic pissing match with everyone else?
2. High Schoolers
Majority of anime have high school teens as the main protagonist. Why? Have they not met real high school students in real life? I can assure you that they are not cool enough to battle ninjas, hunt demons, save the world, or pilot a Gundam. I mean come on! Most of the high schoolers I know have a hard time not looking down at their feet all the time. Real High Schoolers are lame.
Why don’t they focus on life after fucking school? It so much more interesting.
3. Boob Falls
Never in my life have I ever wanted something to be real like the “Boob Fall.” To explain it, the main protagonist, or any male in an anime for that matter, accidentally stumbles and falls face first into a pair of gigantic boobs. I just want to make this clear: This does not happen in real life.
In real life this is sexual harassment. Even I know that.
4. Nose Bleeds
Speaking of shit that doesn’t happen in real life… Whoever heard of a guy so perverted that his nose bleeds when he sees a beautiful girl? I’ve met some perverts in my life, but never ones so bad that this happens to them. So why does it happen so fucking much in anime?
I’d hate to see how their room would look after they watched porn.
5. Filler Episodes
The biggest culprit of making me hate anime are these filler episodes. Nothing happens in them. They go to the beach, circus, carnival, or some other stupid irrelevant shit. They might do some teasing with those stupid scenes where they are taking a bath and the guys “accidentally” see them all naked taking a bath. We the viewers usually don’t see this, we just get the tease. Why bother with this crap?
The worst offender? The original Dragon Ball Z. I remember sitting through hours of grunting, powering up, and reading power levels filler episodes to see the long awaited fights between Goku and [insert bad guy here]. I wasted at least a few good weeks of my life that I will never get back.