This holiday season, one of the hottest deals out there was the $99.99 New 3DS. I really wanted it. Not for me, but I wanted to get it for my little brother to get him into the Nintendo 3DS eco-system. The $99.99 3DS was almost too perfect a present. Unfortunately for me, Nintendo had another idea on their collective heads: Ninten-Boning the consumers again!
It turned out, that was exactly the case. I was in line at Wal-Mart (in the heart of the fucking ghetto, mind you) when I was told that there was only 8 consoles for the store. EIGHT FUCKING 3DS systems…. That was all. I counted my place in line, and with my shit luck I was sitting at the 12th spot. There was a good Samaritan ahead of me (I’m being sarcastic, he was a piece of shit) who offered me to take his place for $60. I was too heartbroken to tell him to fuck off. I went home with my tail between my legs… AGAIN. Built up excitement for a new Nintendo product, only for it to be in short supply… AGAIN. I had been Ninten-Boned… AGAIN.
I’m not going to waste another article on how Nintendo is screwing over the consumer (because they are), but rather break down the anatomy of the now famous Ninten-Bone for all to see. It might give some other Nintendo Fan Boys the strength to break this shitty vicious cycle, because I simply do not have the will-power to do so apparently. I want the Nintendo Switch too badly. Expect to see another article in March with my disappointment and more curse-laden commentary.
Anatomy of the Ninten-Bone
Step 1 – Anger: Angry fans vent their frustrations to Nintendo. Nintendo seems apologetic and shows compassion. Maybe things will get fixed…
Step 2 – Promises: Nintendo has heard the fans and promises fixes to whatever problems we are having will soon be fixed (short supply of systems, discontinuation of certain products, etc.)
Step 3 – Excuses: Nintendo gives excuses to why that thing that had been bugging us so cannot be fixed. Fans try to be understanding. Maybe they’ll try a fix down the road…?
Step 4 – The Metaphorical Middle Finger: Nintendo will never fix whatever issue was plaguing us. Blame consumers for the lack of “hustle.”
So there you have it. Full scientific proof that Nintendo is screwing over the fans, but we are powerless to stop them because Mario is simply too bad ass. We’ve become like drug addicts. No matter how poorly us Nintendo fans keep getting treated, we come right back for more abuse.
I’ll see you all in line for the Nintendo Switch launch.